The Truth that Half of My Fellow Citizens Can't Handle

February 7, 2017

Pretty much every one seems to be up in arms about something or other right now. People are upset about immigration, the Supreme Court, Russia, Tom Brady, the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, all of this is anger is obscuring our country’s real scourge, a truth that at least half of my fellow citizens seem unable or unwilling to handle.


It is surely underrated, but I suggest more practically damaging to our country. Based on my highly scientific study it appears that no less than half of the country is able to handle traffic signals like the one below.



Now, here’s the thing about this particular traffic signal. In the mornings this light signals only a right-hand turn. At other times of the day the signal shows that traffic in the lane is only to proceed straight ahead. And at other times the signal shows that the driver can go straight ahead or turn right. Based on my intense study of the data (counting how many people do the wrong thing when I am at the light) I submit that at least half of my fellow citizens are incapable of figuring out this light.


Want to make America great again? Get people to learn to follow a traffic signal. This could actually solve the immigration debacle. Show people wishing to enter the U.S. the light and see if they know what to do. If they can, let them in. If they can’t, reject their application. Terrorists who can drive in the right lane are probably no less dangerous than the half of the country going straight from a turn lane.

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