Letter to My Future Self About Taking Kids to the Zoo

February 13, 2017

Yesterday the three-year-old ballerina had a valentine’s party with her fellow ballerinas after dance class so I decided it would be a good day to take the five-year-old zoologist and the one-year-old demolitions expert to the zoo. As you might expect the zoologist was pretty much in his native habitat, and thankfully the demolitions expert didn’t try to ride a giraffe.

 

Since I took two kids out in public without my better half, always a sketchy proposition for me, this blog post is a message to future Aaron on lessons I learned. Hopefully I will read this and make a few adjustments next time.

  • I know it can be a little complicated getting both kids in the car in a busy parking lot, but you simply have to check the baby’s diaper. If you don’t, the waterfall in the Serengeti section of the zoo won’t be the only one you experience.

  • When there is one of you and two kids don’t bother taking the good camera, you can't use it anyway.

  • Find a way to mic up the little zoologist. That kid likes to think out loud, and his running commentary on God's creation is gold.

  • Speaking of the zoologist he is old enough to read the map now, and he knows if try to skip any exhibits. You can no longer make the zoo a “quick trip.”

  • Take the 20 ounce tumbler for yourself and drink less water. Bathroom trips are just too dang complicated. 

  • Leaving the zoo and going through the drive-thru at Chick-Fil-A seems like a good idea, but the timing never works. Just pack a lunch before you leave the house and save yourself the headache.

  • When you are in the snake exhibit and something brushes your leg and you respond by jumping three feet in the air and trying to muffle a high-pitched scream do you best to pretend like nothing happened. Ophidiophobia is perfectly natural, don’t let anyone tell you differently.

  • You might want to look into hiring a zookeeper to go along just to answer the little zoologist’s questions. Whatever they cost it would be money well worth it. You don’t know why flamingos are pink, Siri doesn’t know why flamingos are pink, and while you are trying to figure it out one of your children is probably perpetuating another Harambe incident.

 

 

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