Today my son is my son turned six years old. The day will be fun for
everyone. He will get cupcakes at school, and tonight we will go to the fine-dining establishment of his choice – McDonalds. Despite his loving parent’s attempts to persuade him to go somewhere else he is dead set on Chicken McNuggets and the McDonalds playground. Well, it is his birthday, so it is his choice.
The five-year-old zoologist is now officially the six-year-old zoologist. True to form this morning’s drive to school revolved around what animals eat snakes, and thanks to google at a red light I had an answer (hawks and eagles). In honor of the zoologist’s discovery of planet earth I have composed a small list of six things that I have learned in six years of fatherhood.
Note: I have learned more than six things, these just happened to be the six I included in this list.
If there was any justice in the world on someone’s birthday we would celebrate the mother, not the child.
Nothing throws a peaceful night into chaos like a kid pooping in the bathtub.
Before fatherhood I thought I was prepared for the questions. I was not prepared. You. Are. Never. Prepared.
Meltdowns can be caused by turning on the wrong TV show, forgetting a watch, pouring the wrong drink, pouring the right drink, getting the wrong snack, getting the right snack, refusing a request for a band-aid, suggesting that an entire roll of toilet paper is not necessary to clean up from dropping a deuce, mentioning naptime or bedtime, saying no, saying yes, not saying anything, and an almost infinite list of other things. There is a particular set of skills necessary to handle meltdowns. I do not possess this skill.
Nothing makes you feel younger than children, and nothing makes you feel older than children.
95-98% of parenting is made up on the spot by parents who are tired, trying to figure out how to pay bills, looking for a lost shoe, needing to respond to an email from their boss, have a sinus infection, and forgot that that project was due today at school. Parenting is one of the most important things you will ever do, and you will rarely do it at 100%. Even with that kids still turn out all right, or at least we did. If that doesn’t tell you there is a God in heaven, who is full of grace and mercy, nothing will.