Top Ten Things Said While Changing A Dirty Diaper

April 25, 2017


Changing a dirty diaper is truly one of the joys* of parenting. It was something that I dreaded before I became a father, but at this point in my life it is old hat. Our little zoologist just turned six, and with a new child on the way I did a little calculating. By the time Sharp Baby Quatro is out of diapers I will have been dealing with what we refer to as "code browns" for approximately 9 years. This realization led me to two reactions. First, that’s a lot of poop. Second, this is why I won’t feel bad if one day when I am old and decrepit if my children end up changing my diaper. They owe me, to the tune of almost a decade’s worth of diaper changing.


One of the things about the code brown is that you find yourself saying things that you never envisioned you would when you would when changing diapers. As so often happens with my thinking I am not sure why this was on my mind, but here is my list of Top Ten Things Said While Changing a Dirty Diaper.


Said to my wife:

10.       I think I'm going to need some help in here!

9.         Hey honey, come look at this.


Said to the child on the changing table:

8.         This isn't funny. Why are you laughing?

7.         Please just don't mov...ok, now it's on your foot.

6.         You know what, let's just throw these clothes away.

5.         Now I think we both need a bath.


Said to myself under my breath:

4.         O man, blueberries. I hate the blueberries.

3.         Of course that was the last wipe in the package.

2.         When did we have corn?

1.         O crap.






*Just in case you missed it this is sarcasm. It isn’t really a joy, but the truth is that on the parenting dreaded tasks list changing a dirty diaper isn’t really all that bad. I would rather change a dirty diaper than try to give a child eye drops when said child believes eye drops will kill them, which happens more often than you would think. All things considered I would rather change a dirty diaper than other fun parenting activities such as cleaning up vomit or trying to force a child to take a breathing treatment when the adorable progeny in question is violently opposed to this activity.

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