Waiting, and Waiting, and Waiting

May 3, 2017

As with the end of any pregnancy, our fourth go-round with Sharp baby cuatro (in the womb code name tetelestai*) has meant a lot of doctor's appointments. None of our children have been content with the status quo birth, and each of them has thrown their own wrinkle or two into the pregnancy mix.

The zoologist decided 36 weeks and three days was long enough in the womb. Consequently our "wimpy white boy" spent a few days in the NICU.

Not to be outdone the ballerina introduced us to our first bed rest in the hospital, and then, always the competitor, she almost doubled her brother's NICU stay.

The demolitions expert brought round two of hospital bed rest, but at least she managed to avoid NICU. This was good for the wallet, but as it turns out we really didn't know how to deal with a baby who didn't start out in the NICU. It was like being rookie parents all over again.

Now baby quatre has decided to throw in a brand new experience and we find ourselves making extra doctor's visits with a specialist.

More doctor's offices means more waiting rooms. It is a little known fact that a waiting room was originally one of the circles of hell in Dante's Inferno. This didn't make it into the published manuscript because it was taken out by Dante's editor. Dante demanded it be put back in, but before the editor could make the change he died from old age - while in a waiting room.

At least the doctor is honest about the reality of the waiting room. You know what it is for - waiting. This is the exact opposite of what they refer to as a treatment or exam room in which you spend 98% of your time waiting, generally in a more uncomfortable chair, and 2% of your time being treated and examined.

Yesterday's waiting room adventures included the twenty-month-old demolitions expert. Now I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to treat my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I can't get to an appointment until after the baby is born, so I just hope the twitch goes away on its own.

The demolitions expert doesn't really do waiting. She has a pretty large vocabulary including the phrases, "I want yours" and "You the bandit," but waiting is not one of the words she knows. Or at the very least waiting is not a word that she acknowledges that she knows.

Since it became evident very quickly, think seconds not minutes, that staying in the waiting room was going to either get us kicked out of the hospital or cause the pregnant lady we accompanied to the doctor to give birth rather early, the demo expert and I took off on some hospital exploring adventures.

For approximately three hours we roamed the halls occasionally stopping to play, snack, or fight over whether or not she was going to wear socks on her feet. I reached out to the hospital security team for the footage below of me trying to get the Demo Expert's socks on her feet. I see they just caught the tail end of it.

 

 

 

The thing about the demo expert is that she is a very social little creature. Telling people "hi" and "bye" are part of her charm, and she gets very offended if they don't respond. Sometimes she greets inanimate objects, and at one point we strolled through a crowded atrium with my adorable daughter screaming "Bye!" repeatedly at the top of her lungs. This is when it is fun to watch people react. Some people are happy to interact with a cute, personable little girl; some are unaware that the noise is actually a friendly greeting; and some people just move along quickly unsure about how to respond to a small child who is best described as militantly friendly.


The highlight of the hospital tour was going up the elevator from the first floor to the seventh floor. As we passed each floor the elevator beeped, and the demo expert said, "huh," after each beep.

This is a summary of the elevator ride:

1st floor - Get in elevator, press the button for 7.

Pass 2nd floor
Beep
"Huh."

Pass 3rd floor
Beep
"Huh."

Pass 4th floor
Beep
"Huh."

Pass 5th floor
Beep
"Huh."

Pass 6th floor
Beep
"Huh."

Arrive 7th floor
Beep
Door opens
"Huh"

Today we left the demo expert at home for the doctor's office. Since I didn't have a child to chase around I had to face the future, that I am pretty sure I'm about to meet the same fate as Dante's editor.

 

 

 

*For the non-Greek nerd tetelestai was what Jesus said on the cross that is translated as, "It is finished."

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