One week ago today we welcomed the fourth Sharp child into the world. I’m still deciding on the official “daddy’s writing nickname” for our adorable little boy. Right now I am leaning toward the Jedi, because he is the one who has brought balance to the Sharp force. He makes two boys and two girls, and he is also the first Sharp child that did not require a NICU stay or bed rest for mommy. I may change my mind, but Jedi is the leader in the leader out of the gate.
With our child total now equaling that of Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Beatles, Ghostbusters, Ninja Turtles, and faces on Mount Rushmore I was reminded of comedian Jim Gaffigan’s statement about having four kids. In his Mr. Universe routine Gaffigan says, “You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
Seven days into life as a father of four I can say that there is some truth in Gaffigan’s words. Thankfully, the Sharp clan doesn’t live in a two bedroom apartment in New York like the Gaffigans. When things get a little crazy here we can just open the backdoor and let the older three run around the back yard. All we have to do is make sure there is adult
supervision in case a bobcat wanders into our backyard. Yes, this happens occasionally. Yes, we live in a city. No, animal control will not help you in this situation.
The real thing I want to bring up about having four kids is that even more than feeling like you are drowning and someone hands you a baby, your entire life revolves around trying to keep the youngest alive. The Zoologist, Ballerina, and Demolitions Expert all love their brother. In some cases, perhaps too much. They think he is adorable so they want to love on him, hug him, kiss him, hold him, and play with him. The Demo Expert seems to have been under the impression that we got her a live-action doll. The older two have been through this with a younger sibling so they kind of get the idea. Even then, things like spiked beach balls, rubber bouncy balls thrown like Nolan Ryan, and spirited games of chase with kids bouncing off walls, each other, and furniture all loom as potential threats. It all can leave a parent feeling like the first year of this kid’s life is going to be reminiscent of Christian Bale’s character in the western 3:10 to Yuma trying to get Russell Crowe safely to the train station with every outlaw in the old west gunning for him along the way.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go back to googling full-body armor in sizes 0-3 months.