What is Up with Audio Books for Little Kids?

June 29, 2017

I like books.

 

I like books a lot.

 

I like audio books. The one I am listening to right now is really an excellent book.

 

I like reading books to my kids.

 

This morning I received an email from Audible advertising a sale on kid’s audio books. I don’t have any intentions of handing my you children, who are all six and under, an iPod and telling them to listen to an audio book, but it might be something worthwhile for a car trip down the road so I thought I’d check the sale out. Everything seemed cool until I landed on the page with the screenshot below.

There are several observations I would like to make about this.

 

1

It shows that the audio version of Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? lasts 11 minutes. I’ve read this book a number of times, and even when I use different voices for every animal there is no way it should take 11 minutes. I read this book, and deal with the Ballerina interrupting with multiple questions per page, and it never takes this long. The sloth from Zootopia could read this book in approximately 8 minutes.

 

 

2

The audio book I am currently listening to is The Jersey Brothers: A Missing Naval Officer in the Pacific and His Family's Quest to Bring Him Home. It cost 1 credit for which I pay $14.95. The Jersey Brothers lasts for 18 hours and 41 minutes (1121 minutes total). That works out to roughly 1.3 cents a minute. Yes, I'm anal, but go with it. By comparison Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Costs $1.62 for members. (I assume someone isn’t actually dumb enough to pay $14.95 for a credit and use it on a book that costs $1.62, but maybe I presume too much) that works out to 14.7 cents a minute. Talk about a ripoff, and this isn’t even factoring in the fact that you have to endure narration by Gwyneth Paltrow. They should discount it further just for that.

 

3

I thought this was bad until I saw that they have the audio book for Five Little Monkeys Jumping On the Bed. Incredibly, it only lasts 5 minutes, but costs $1.95 ON SALE. That’s 39 cents a minute. Listen, if you are too lazy to read to your kids for 5 minutes just send me your money and I’ll livestream with our kids when we read it. It would take longer than 5 minutes for me to get one of my kids to sit still, put the earphones on their head, and get the book playing.

 

4

Obviously I think paying money for most small children’s books is a crock, but if I was going to buy one it would be this one.

 

5

I don’t need an audiobook of this one because the Ballerina has it memorized.

 

6

This one is moving into older kids material, and I might actually buy because it would good for a car ride, and it is only 1.5 cents a minute. Said another way, it is actually worth the price.

 

7

The Zoologist would love this one. I know because he just picked this book out the other day at Target.

 

8

The Demolitions Expert loves this book. Well, she loves cows and it has cows. Look at that price. Right at 70 cents a minute! I think I need to look at a career move to voice kid’s books.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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